When Loss Trumps Creativity

Creativity is a wonderful framework for making our lives more vibrant and meaningful.  But there are times when creativity is beside the point.  Though I’m sure that Laura Gillette chose a creative path to unavoidable death, there is no comfort in her passing.

I never knew Laura personally, but my daughter Erin shared many things in common with Laura.  Both were talented and humorous military wives and bloggers who enjoyed connecting to each other frequently over the last few years.   One of Erin’s best friends was Story, who knew Laura personally from their mutual time at Fort Drum (worst place in US to live.)

Laura and Matt Gillette on their wedding day

Erin and Laura shared a similar trajectory:  Both had brilliant husbands who graduated from West Point only a few years apart.  Both undoubtedly had similar dreams—to be the heart of a family where children could grow and bloom, making an invaluable contribution to their communities, country and the world.

When you marry a military guy, you worry about whether the love of your live will return from deployment with life, limbs, and mental function intact.  As a military wife, you never think about your own health and well-being.  Erin suffered through her husband’s two painfully extended stints in Iraq, plus multiple Special Forces deployments that we can’t discuss.  But I’m sure Erin never imagined the scenario that Laura and her family have bravely endured in the last year.

On October 1, 2011, Erin safely delivered her second child.  Her husband Doug, an Army Captain (like Laura’s husband Matt), had the good fortune to both serve his country and enjoy his children.  Erin and Doug have the incalculable blessing of their young healthy family.  It hasn’t been easy for them. Both pregnancies were complicated.  This round, Erin almost delivered prematurely at 23 weeks—which would have been an unsurvivable birth. But miraculously, Erin and Doug now have 2 healthy kids.  Laura and Matt won’t have that blessing.  Yet somehow, in the path that Laura and Matt have been given, there are incalculable gifts.

It will take Laura’s family and friends many years to recognize the small blessings that now seem overwhelmed by the grief of their loss.  I have no words of wisdom.  I can provide no comfort to Laura’s family and friends.  There seems to be no grand plan or justification for why someone with Laura’s gifts, love, humor, and sparkle should be ripped from her family/friends and the world so prematurely.

I only know that Laura’s mission is not over.  We don’t have the details yet.  She may be physically apart from us, but she is as vibrant as ever.  It will take time to discern how she is going to have the most “insane” positive impact on our world.

As a military parent, I send all my love to you, Gary and Leslie.  We do not choose our childrens’ path, but if we are lucky, we understand why our daughters fall in love with their military husbands.  And in the end, that is a gift.

A footnote to whoever may be reading this:  As soon as I heard about Laura’s journey, I decided to register with the bone marrow registry that Laura had promoted so many times in her blog. Unfortunately I learned that people who are 60+ are ineligible. That includes me (at almost 62.)  So, if you want to do something that would make Laura very happy, don’t delay:  Sign up to be a bone marrow donor.  And if you have the opportunity to save someone’s life because you are a strong match, don’t wimp out.  If you have information that the best odds for saving someone’s life is to let the docs harvest cells directly from your bone marrow, go for it.  There are less invasive ways to contribute stem cells.  We will never know the impact of Laura’s donor’s decision to opt for more comfortable–but perhaps less effective- way to donate.  But really:  If you have an opportunity to save a life—do whatever will create the most favorable odds for the bone marrow recipient.  How can you compare your very short term pain with the increased odds of survival if you are a good match for someone who needs a bone marrow transplant?  And—if you are like me—too old to be a donor—send as much money as you can to support bone marrow transplantation.  I feel bad that this may be the only way I can contribute.  But at least I can contribute financially.

Love, prayers, and the support of a military parent. xoxo-k

Kathy Jordan